When the southern daughter-in-law met the northern mother-in-law
To be honest, when I first accompany my husband back to rural Shaanxi to meet my future mother-in-law after falling in love, my head was full of excitement along the way.
I heard from friends that in the northern rural areas, women are not allowed to go to the table for meals, and rural people are more patriarchal.
Fortunately, all this is my mediocrity.
When she saw her mother-in-law at first glance, this kind-hearted old man held my hand with her rough but warm hand. She said, “Daughter, you are here at home.
“This sentence immediately made my uneasy heart settle down.
My husband taught me that my mother-in-law is a hardworking person. When you arrive at the house, you must remember to help the mother-in-law cook.
Although I am a daughter-in-law at home and rarely do housework, seeing the kindness of my future mother-in-law is certainly more fun to the future mother-in-law. I immediately rolled up my sleeves and helped the mother-in-law in the kitchen to do the housework.
Earth stove, big iron wok, and mother-in-law’s smoky kitchen conditions. Naturally, I ca n’t talk to me at home. I ‘m unfamiliar with the environment. I made too many low-level mistakes, but my mother-in-law did not complain. She alwaysIt is cheerful to praise me for being capable, intelligent, and a “good girl”.
Late at night, I was about to fall asleep next to my mother-in-law. The old man suddenly and mysteriously pulled me aside, she took out a basin from behind a bit embarrassed, and said: “Good girl, we are all in the pigpen in the toilet.You must not be used to it, this pot right will be used as the spittoon.
“I’m worried about this, but I’m still ashamed to say it. My mother-in-law’s carefulness and relief of my urgent needs also made me feel mixed with my mother-in-law’s not-so-poor family.
At that moment, I told myself that even if my mother-in-law’s family was suffering again and again, I still had to persist in this love.
Of course, it is impossible for a kind in-laws to help me overcome the fear and discomfort caused by all the differences between the North and the South. Certain differences in eating habits have become the first problem I must face.
Mother-in-law’s habit is to have breakfast around 9am every day, which is to drink corn juice; lunch is arranged around 3pm, and the food is traditional northern hand-rolled noodles; dinner is a meal that they can eat or not, and evenIf you want to eat, you can eat home-baked ravioli.
From the scheduling of time to the unity of food, it is completely different from us.
Reluctantly persisted for a week, I was used to the hot and spicy flavor of hot pot, and after a long absence of rice, the spleen and stomach were almost “fade” out of trouble. After thinking about it, I decided to “showdown” with my mother-in-law.
I first explained to my mother-in-law the eating habits of southerners, and then gently said if I could cook for a Hunan meal.
When I heard her mother-in-law was more excited than I heard, “Okay!
I’m trying to help you improve your meals, but you don’t know how to do it. You can do it boldly.
“Taking the mother-in-law’s arrow, and a bunch of younger brothers, sisters and sisters at home, my first cooking in the north went smoothly, braised chicken, hot pot meat and other authentic Hunan dishes were quickly served one by one.
Father-in-law, my mother-in-law’s ability to accept surprised me. They praised the dishes while enjoying their meal, and everyone enjoyed a meal.
Later I met from my husband’s mouth. My mother-in-law, who is used to pasta, does not like to eat pepper and rice.
When our in-laws came to visit us in the South for the first time in 1995, our daughter was 5 years old.
At that time, our house had only one room and one living room. Five people lived together and inevitably lived next to each other. Moreover, the differences between north and south, two generations, living habits, and cultural levels were really large. Therefore, hereIn this “zero” distance contact, some prominent ground was exposed.
Fortunately, these contradictions not only did not intensify, but also played a catalytic role in the closeness between me and my mother-in-law.
Not long after my mother-in-law came, I suddenly noticed that there were more empty plastic bottles under the kitchen sink.
After careful observation, I discovered that these bottles were secretly picked up by the mother-in-law to prepare waste for sale.
I didn’t say anything, I called my mother-in-law quietly and asked about it.
The mother-in-law blushed as soon as she heard it, and she didn’t want to pile it up at home when she was timid, but it was troublesome for her to sell only one or two bottles at a time.
In order to achieve the quantity, she had to pick the bottles home and pile them up temporarily.
The mother-in-law said, “I’m a person without income. I don’t want to increase your burden. Picking two bottles can at least buy a sorbet for my granddaughter.
“The elderly are kind. The disposable plastic bottles are unhygienic, and it is a hidden danger to pile them in the kitchen. But how can we not let the mother-in-law pick up the tatters and hurt the self-esteem of the elderly?
After thinking about it, I made a suggestion to my mother-in-law: First of all, do n’t tell my husband about this matter, do n’t pick it at the peak of work, after all, men are good-faced, so that neighbors do n’t see the chewing tongue behind; second, pick the bottleYes, but I have to choose cleanly, and it ‘s relatively hygienic at home. In the end, I have repeatedly stated to my mother-in-law that saving is a traditional virtue, and picking bottles is not shameful and environmentally friendly. In order to make my mother-in-law feel at ease, I have time toHelp the old man pick two bottles back.
Under my “adding bricks and tiles”, my mother-in-law has gained a lot and soon earned “granddaughter’s sorbet money” back.
Soon after, her mother-in-law gradually got used to the life in the city and felt that she didn’t need to pick bottles to sell money at all, so she quickly “quit” this habit.
The second conflict is about health habits.
One day, as she was about to cook, her daughter suddenly cried out, “Who washed the dishes?
“I took a look and found that there was oil on the tableware. Seeing her mother-in-law’s embarrassed expression, I quickly covered my daughter’s mouth and quickly re-washed the tableware quietly. But in the next few days, I noticed that the dishes were not completely washed and I didn’t say a word.
One day, I pretended to chat with my father-in-law unintentionally and investigate the matter.
It turned out that the old people used pasta as the mainstay in the countryside. They did n’t put much oil and the water source was not enough. Therefore, they washed the dishes only with cold water.
After coming here, her mother-in-law was still doing the same, rinsed with cold water, and then wiped with a rag.
I know that I cannot deprive my mother-in-law of her sense of accomplishment. Therefore, I first taught her mother-in-law to use dishwashing liquid, and then told her that this thing can only be washed off with hot water, otherwise she would be sick if she ate it, and finally told her father-in-law privately that he would trouble him everydayRinse the mother-in-law’s washed dishes with hot water.
Naturally, my father-in-law would not hesitate to take the shot, so that the washing of the dishes would be solved.
In this way, in the three months when my mother-in-law came to live in the south, I not only understood my mother-in-law, but also got closer to her.
Although the mother-in-law is a bit big and small in many small details of life, I think that as long as I communicate with the elderly to find the starting point, it can be easily resolved.
The strategies I have with my mother-in-law are: don’t talk, talk in private, make suggestions gently, and supervise the elderly slowly.
At the end of 2000, my affectionate mother died. As soon as the spring of the next year, my mother-in-law rushed over.
Looking at her mother-in-law’s loving face, and still immersed in the pain of her bereavement, “I’m going to be your closest mother in the future.”
“It’s hard to imagine that my mother-in-law could keep all my tastes and habits in mind.
I do n’t eat cold food, my mother-in-law will try the temperature of the dish wherever I go.
Every afternoon, her mother-in-law would sit on the balcony of her home, paying attention to the way I had to go home. As soon as I entered the community, she would run to the elevator door to pick me up.
Mother-in-law always likes to come to the south in October and leave in May.
I asked her why she came here alone and gradually, and her mother-in-law said that she felt bad for me with cold frostbite on both hands as soon as I reached winter.
She said, “Mom can’t do anything else. It’s okay to help you wash the sheets in winter.
“My mother-in-law’s meticulous care made me barely touch cold water for the whole two winters, and the frostbite that had been stubborn for more than 30 years also disappeared.
In 2001, I started working in the military community. At 8 o’clock in the evening, a resident of the community suddenly needed something to mediate.
My husband has been late for overtime, thinking of the alleys in the community, I was a little scared, hesitated to trim me, my mother-in-law asked me to accompany me on the road.
That night, even if I broke my tongue, the mediation didn’t work for a long time.
As I was about to give up the mediation, my mother-in-law spoke in standard Mandarin: “It’s all family, what untieable knot, you see, my daughter-in-law is no better than a family now?”
“I took the opportunity to make a statement about my years of experience with my mother-in-law.
The facts speak louder than words. The awkward parties finally lost their breath, and my mother-in-law returned home with victory.
From then on, I often took my mother-in-law to mediate the shortcomings of the parents in the community, especially in the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law who showed up next to us, and our double reed always made unexpected good results.
On May 6, 2003, her mother-in-law was leaving for her younger son’s home again.
The last word that my mother-in-law said to me when I parted was: “Daughter, wait for your mother to wash the sheets in winter.”
“Unexpectedly, this is the day when my mother-in-law and I went to each side. After a few months, the news of the sudden death of my mother-in-law came . 5 years later, I continued my mediation work in the community.On the days of “combat”, I often warn families who are distressed about the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law: “The family is a bit old. If you have a treasure, please cherish this affection.